


The disappointment list

by we_try121



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Parenting, Cigarettes, Disappointment, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sex, Handcuffs, Help, High Heels, High School, House Party, Jealousy, Lists, M/M, Making Out, Motorcycles, Multi, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, Rules, Sex, Skipping Class, Sleepovers, Sneaking Out, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Strangers, Threesome, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27228736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_try121/pseuds/we_try121
Summary: At the start of sophomore year,  Eddie Kaspbrak writes a list of ways to disappoint his mother. Will he complete them all before the end of high school?
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Original Female Character(s), Eddie Kaspbrak/Original Male Character(s), Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69





	1. The list

1\. Get drunk  
2\. Get high  
3\. Smoke a cigarette   
4\. Go a day without my inhaler on hand  
5\. Skip breakfast  
6\. Sneak out every night for a week  
7\. Skip school  
8\. Use a public bathroom  
9\. Go to a stranger's house party  
10\. Sneak in someone's window  
11\. Sneak someone in my window  
12\. Be in a fake relationship  
13\. Make out with a stranger  
14\. Have unprotected sex  
15\. Stay out without telling my mom  
16\. Be handcuffed overnight  
17\. Wear high heels  
18\. Have a three-way  
19\. Ride on someone's motorcycle  
20\. Sleep with a guy


	2. 4: Go a day without my inhaler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie completes his first disappointment and is very happy about it.

It had been 3 months since Eddie wrote his list. His disappointment list. 3 whole months and so far he hadn't completed a thing on it. He had three years till the end of high school, surely he'd actually pick up the courage to do some disappointing. Hopefully, he be starting today.

He decided to start with something simple. Go a day without his inhaler. How hard could it be? He would just 'forget' to bring it to school with him.  
Simple.

Apparently not.

"Eddie sweetie, your inhalers on the side." His mother's voice rang through the room like a siren; this was the first thing he was going to tick off the list and he was already failing. Quick. Think.

"No ma. That's my spare, I have mine in my bag." Phew. Step one: complete. Eddie then proceeded to walk out of the house, his mother shouting goodbyes while he re-iterated them with much less enthusiasm.

The school bell was already ringing as Eddie walked to his locker. Oh god, he was going to be late. The cold metal of his key shot him awake as he pulled a large red book out of his locker before stuffing it in his bag. His teacher was nearly always late so he had at least two minutes to get to his form class as his feet pressed into the hallway floors carrying towards his destination. 

Eddie's small fingers pushed against the wooden door and a wash of relief flooded him as he was met with the familiar sounds of pre-teacher chatter from all the students. Bill's awaiting gaze met him across the room as he rushed to take his seat. Eddie only then noticed his fast heart rate and over-active breathing. Instinctively he reached for his inhaler only to remember his plan.

Today would be a long day.

His first few lessons had gone well, nothing too breath-taking, but lunch time had rolled around and Eddie had just remembered his hopefully-not-very important maths test that he may or may not have straight after lunch. 

"Dude, use your inhaler. We can tell you're freaking out." Richie's voice was jovial but his eyes leaked concern. Bill swung his head around, actually not having noticed Eddie's quickening breathing but seeing the signs immediately.

"No I'm fine. I just have Mr. Baldwin's stupid maths test next lesson and I just know at the very last second he'll be like 'oh by the way guys the test may be a bit harder than what your used to but you'll do fine'." Eddie took a second to slip out of his annoying maths teacher voice, "Plus I haven't revised at all."

Eddie's quick excuse seemed to satisfy his friends for the time being as they all continued eating while engaged in casual chatter. 

By the time the bell rang signalling the next lesson Eddie was already in his classroom, his feeble excuse for revision material laid across the table in front of him. His brain scanned each number with precision but no information was going in. Volume of a sphere? Not a clue. Surface area of a cone? Nothing. Solving simultaneous equations? Nadda. 

All he had to do was remember 1+1=2. Simple. Maths was useless anyway. Pascal invented the calculator for a reason y'know.

As Eddie came to the realisation that passing this test would be near-enough impossible, he felt the familiar sensation of an asthma attack deep in the back of his throat. One cough spilled out of his mouth. Then another. And another. Oh no, people were looking at him. 

He knew he didn't need that thing anyway. Breathe Eddie, just breathe.

He stopped his coughing for a brief moment and took in a deep breath, he held it for a few seconds and then breathed out again. The coughing remained deep inside him and didn't surface for the rest of the lesson.

When Eddie went to bed that night, he felt a wash of pride come over himself. A feeling he'd never felt before. Sure, he's broken plenty of rules before but he's always been reluctant, afraid. Not anymore. Eddie the mommy's boy was out and Eddie who was going to whatever the fuck he wanted was in.

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1 down  
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	3. 5:Skip breakfast  7: Skip school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Eddie's first rush of rebellion, he makes a plan to complete some more disappointments but his plan doesnt go exactly like he thought it would.

It had been a few weeks since Eddie left his inhaler at home and became an official disappointment. He'd repeated this action twice since the first time and each had formed a pit of fear and excitement in his stomach, something which had prompted him to tick more off the list. Today was a big one, well big two.

Today Eddie Kaspbrak would be skipping breakfast and ditching school.

Eddie usually got himself ready in the mornings and this one was no different. He had woken up 10 minutes earlier than usual, hoping to leave the house before his mother surfaced. Sadly, his plan hadn't gone well. 

Eddie was about to walk out of the house, on an empty stomach, and at least 20 minutes earlier than usual, when his mother decided to grace him with her presence. 

"You're leaving the house early, Eddie Bear." Her voice was quizzical; she wasn't asking a question but Eddie felt like he was being interrogated every time she spoke.

"I have some studying to do, Richie said he'd help me with it." Richie? Richie! She knew Richie would never do any actual work. He was just the first person that came to mind, surprisingly. "I have a huge test and Richie's brain can actually remember dates, unlike mine." God, now he was just babbling and his mother wasn't believing a word of it. Well, he thought she wasn't.

"You have a test honey? You should've told me rather than leave all your work till last minute. You know that why people fail, because they're too lazy." Her voice didn't get louder, instead it got sweeter. Like the sticky sweet calpol Eddie was forced to drink as a child. His mother had forced him into that aswell. She never shouted, never got angry, but she would guilt-trip and guilt-trip until Eddie had no choice. Now, Eddie could see the signs, he was taking control. 

"Well, I told Richie I'd be there in 10 minutes so I need to get going." Eddie turned his head and walked away, his mother still babbling dumbfounded behind him.

It wasn't until after he left the house, that Eddie realised he had no idea where he was going. He just knew he wasn't going to school.

He started on his regular route so his nosey neighbours wouldn't report his unusual behaviour back to his mother. After a few blocks, he let his feet choose the way and soon found himself immersed in trees. 

Eddie hadn't been to the quarry in months but it had been a favourite spot for the losers club for years so it didn't surprise him that that was where he'd taken himself. He had his walkman in his bag and a mixtape he'd made with everyone that was at least 2 years old so he'd be set for the day. Plan-complete. 

What he wasn't expecting was his spot for the day to be occupied. What he was expecting even less was it to be occupied by none other than Richie Tozier. 

He had his back to Eddie, probably didn't even know he was there, and sat with his legs draped over the edge with very little care about safety. His glasses were sitting behind him, discarded along with his bag and oddly enough only one of his shoes. 

Eddie didn't want to startle him but he had to say something otherwise he was just watching him and that was borderline stalking, really not a look Eddie was going for. He moved a couple steps forward, attempting to say hello but breaking a branch underfoot in the process and doing exactly what he was planning to avoid. 

Richie whipped his head round fast, his eyes wide with fear and only softening when he registered the blurry figure was Eddie and not a mass-murderer. 

"Sorry. I just-" Eddie walked forward as he attempted to speak, rapidly abandoning his plan for the day. "Hi."

It was only once Eddie sat down beside his friend that he got a good look at him and saw the mass of purple sitting on his cheek. Richie went to speak and acknowledge the appearance of his friend but Eddie quickly interrupted and drew attention to what was now the most important thing on his mind. 

"What the hell happened to your face!" It was meant to be a concerned friend asking a question but coming from Eddie it just sounded like rapid bullet fire.

"That's a new way of saying hello." Richie tried to smile jokingly as he spoke but the image was ruined by a grimace of pain on the right side of his face. 

"Who punched you, dickwad?" An insult was obviously the way to get Richie to respond.

"Just some jackass freshman." It worked.

However, Eddie wasn't satisfied with his answer and instead insisted on what was practically an entire background check on the culprit. Eddie found out that he was popular in his year, on the football team and, according to Richie, a 'big jock dumbass'. 

"What I dont get is why you're here." Eddid continued quizzing Richie, "You could be at home. Or at Keenes, actually getting some stuff to fix this." 

Richie waved off Eddie's concerns- explaining that it was just a punch, there was no blood and he was fine. After what must have been at least 20 minutes of back and forth 'go the hospital' 'no I'm fine', they both agreed that maybe, just maybe, Eddie was being a teeny tiny tad over dramatic about it. 

"Will you just let me take a look at it?" Eddie asked, still not 100% happy about their compromise. 

"You've been staring at it this whole time anyway, so you may as well." Richie was still trying to add a little light to the conversation despite the ache in his cheek everytime he talked, smiled or tried to convey any expression.

Eddie looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to move from the edge. Eddie was already sitting further away and Richie soon joined him. 

The bruise was even more protruding now he was facing the light and Eddie whinced just looking at it. The impact site was pure purple and the tender area around it a sickening mix of blues and greens. Eddie brushed against it slightly as he moved Richie's hair to examine the extent of the damage. Even this smallest of touch left Richie scrunching his eyes closed in pain.

"Sorry." Eddie's voice was quiet, his apology being both for the pain he'd caused and for the fact he'd have to continue. 

For once, Richie was being silent; even the slightest movement of his mouth made his bruise light on fire again. His vision was still blurry due to his lack of glasses; he could still see Eddie's pursed lips and concerned eyes. His wide brown stare turning inwards on itself to form a look of worry. Richie wanted to cheer up his friend and his obvious go-to was a cheesy joke, but with his trusty tool out of action, he had to come up with a new plan.

Eddie's eyes were fixed on the bruise, never meeting Richie's gaze. But this gave him a window of opportunity. While Eddie was clearly distracted, Richie lifted his hand, spreading his index finger and thumb over Eddie's lips to form a smile. 

Eddie tried his hardest to keep deadpan but after seriously staring for less than 10 seconds, he'd broken and fallen into hysterics. Richie followed, trying to keep his face as still as possible to keep majority of the pain at bay.

It was not clear when the pair stopped laughing but when they did, neither spoke. They both sat there, slightly staring to try and figure out how the other had come to be in their current situation. 

The time they spent just looking at each other was no more than a minute but it felt like an eternity to Richie. It was this that made him realise the time and decide to perk up. 

"What're you doing here, Eddie Spaghetti? Its 11:30, you'll be missing some vital lesson time." He smiled as he spoke, proud of himself for breaking the prolonged silence. 

However, to his dismay, the time after wasn't filled with back and forth bickering but rather an awkward look from the boy opposite him. 

Eddie was trying to work out whether to enlighten Richie to the fact that he'd written a list of disappointments and skipping school just happened to be one of them or to lie. He decided that honesty was the best policy and began to explain. 

After about 10 minutes of convincing, Richie decided that this idea was cool as shit. It meant Eddie would be up for breaking the rules and it would annoy Mrs.Kaspbrak, who he had always hated, despite what he told everyone. She'd always been so overprotective and finally Eddie was breaking loose. 

While Eddie continued to poke at his face, Richie decided now would be good time to get serious in the only way he knew how, "Your mom sucks, you know and not just my dick, I mean in general." 

Eddie smiled at what was clearly some type of backhanded comforting gesture. He then decided to return the favour, "Well, you're lucky. Your mom doesnt suck, my dick or in general. Your sister on the other hand..." 

Both boys smiled, an unspoken truth settling between them, 'I dont care what shit you're going through, I'm here'.

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	4. 3:Smoke a cigarette  8:Use a public bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie discovers the perks of Richie being in on the list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up super late writing this and then it deleted itself and I had to recopy the entire thing. Writing this chapter was nearly the death of me so please read and enjoy it. Please feel free to leave comments, they're really motivating especially when I'm swamped down with studying.

Ever since Eddie had let his secret slip to Richie, he couldn't decide if he'd made the right choice or not. In one way it was nice having someone who knew what was going on but on the other hand he was sick of Richie telling him to throw bricks at the headteacher.

Recently, Eddie had come to the conclusion that telling Richie was an excellent decision because the next few things Eddie wanted to tick off the list were things he'd really rather not do alone.

Eddie Kaspbrak would be smoking and using a public bathroom. 

Eddie knew Richie used to smoke a lot, now he only smoked sometimes but he definitely still had cigarettes. And on the bathroom front, Richie would probably know which ones to avoid at least.

It was a Monday, school had just finished so Richie and Eddie were walking back to Richie's house. Eddie had decided that tonight would be the night he asked Richie for help with the disappointing, which realistically should've been his plan in the beginning. 

When they'd entered the house, Richie went straight for the snack cupboard -pulling out two packets of crisps and then ushering Eddie upstairs. Once they were in Richie's room, Richie pulled out maths homework he should've done the day before while Eddie insisted they played the mixtape he'd been intending to listen to at the quarry that day.

It was about half an hour before Eddie actually plucked up the courage to ask for Richie's help. After that there was another 10 minutes of Eddie mentally backtracking and deciding it was an awful idea and by then the regret and confusion were clear on his face and he was forced into telling.

"You look like Mrs. Finch just asked you a question about liver function. What the fuck is going on?" Richie asked the question with a joking attitude but Eddie was already nervous and the nudge to tell the truth wasnt exactly comforting. 

His voice seemed to be non-existent as he tried to speak but he breathed out hard and began to gain composure. "I need your help with something." It came out squeaky and high-pitched but Eddie had to keep going. "You know the list which you haven't left me alone about for weeks?" 

Richie listened in anticipation and his eyes lit up at the opportunity of rule breaking, "What rebellious activity will Mr. Kaspbrak be doing today?" 

Eddie rolled his eyes at Richie's awful shopkeeper impression and sighed before answering the question, "I wanna smoke." 

Both boys were silent for a good minute before Richie's brain could even attempt to comprehend what he'd just heard. Eddie wanted to smoke. Eddie germaphobe-of-the-century Kaspbrak wanted to smoke. And he was coming to Richie for help. Wow times had really changed from Eddie practically forcing Richie off cigarettes 2 years ago.

Once Richie had somehow managed to get his head around this groundbreaking information, he lit up. He smiled like a 3 year old in the playground and started raking under his bed with a newfound purpose. After a few moments of feverish searching, he pulled out a blue shoebox coated in dust. 

Eddie eyed the box suspiciously; it looked old and beat up. The layers of cardboard at the corners had started to peel away from each other like most of the textbooks the boys owned. 

Richie layed the box on his bed with a prideful smile, before opening it with a flourish. The contents were piles of individual cigarettes and they seemed to be staring Eddie down (even though that was actually what he was doing to them). 

The confused and slightly terrified look on Eddie's face made Richie pipe up, "I dont really use them anymore, I just got into the habit of stealing individual cigs a couple years ago." Eddie was still looking confused, if now also kinda mad at him. "They just look nice," Richie tried to help his cause but saw the annoyed look on Eddie's face and decided to quit while he was ahead. 

Eddie reached his hand into the ominous looking box and pulled out one of the many cigarettes inside. He held it up with two fingers and glared at it like it had personally offended him. His look turned from hatred to worry, his lips not concentrating as hard and now looking anxious. "I'm kinda scared." His voice was quiet but it cut through the relative silence. 

Richie smiled sweetly at his friend- who somehow managed to be adorable despite looking terrified, "One isnt going to kill ya, y'know?" He tried to laugh at the end, tried to comfort Eddie in the only way he knew how. He pulled a singular cigarette out of the box, copying Eddie's earlier movements. After he proceeded to pull a lighter from his pocket, do an elaborate spin around his finger and light it like he'd practised the stunt religiously. His mischievous grin grew wider as he completed the skillful display; he was clearly proud of himself. Richie's attempt to ease his friend's nerves wasnt done as he put on a movie actress voice and began his impression, holding the lit lighter infront of himself. "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?" He tried to stay in character but laughed at his own joke and the cute little face Eddie made in response to it. 

Richie's efforts seemed to be working though as Eddie was much calmer than he was just 2 minutes earlier. He now seemed to be eyeing the cigarette in anticipation and interest, the realisation that he would be smoking for the first time in his life sent a rush of excitement and rebellion through his entire body. 

"I don't wanna smoke in the house, let's go out somewhere." Richie's voice was soft and encouraging, somehow drawing Eddie into this mad plan which he had created. His mother's voice in his mind whispered 'lung cancer' so distantly he barely heard it. Eddie smiled, silently agreeing to leave Richie's house. 

They'd wrapped jackets around their shoulders and pulled on worn out sneakers before making their way out into the neighbourhood. Richie had taken the supplies: the lighter and three cigarettes, one for himself and two for Eddie 'incase he came back for seconds'. 

The air was crisp -the taste of December rich around them- much colder than the warm inside of Richie's bedroom. Christmas holidays were right around the corner, to the relief of both of them along with most other people their age. They could feel it all around them, an inherent chill which was inescapable no matter how many layers were worn. Still they walked along the sidewalk, making their way to somewhere where two very rebellious teenagers wouldnt be noticed smoking. 

"You know the smoke'll warm you up." Richie looked at Eddie and remarked with a smile. 

In a near instant response Eddie's face scrunched in protest, "I'm not cold!" His arms held tight around his middle and shivering fingers begged to differ. 

Richie took on a parental-like tone as he looked down at Eddie, "Of course not." His sweet persona was broken as he started to giggle instinctively at Eddie's angry face. 

"Fuck you dude." Eddie held up his middle finger to prove his point, although I'm not sure shaking with cold was the point he was trying to make. 

This encounter was completely normal behaviour for these two. It was an intricate game they played, bouncing off each other like a practised comedic duo. 

As they rounded the corner the confusion was visible on Eddie's face as his gaze fell onto the local arcade. The bright boards above which had seemed like a far off dream when he was a child were now going to be the site of his rebellion apparently.

"I can see the look on your face Kaspbrak, but trust me. No one ever goes round the back and theres a pipe which lets out hot air that's a fucking dream to stand in front of." Richie had already answered Eddie's silent protest before they both walked through the bustling arcade.

The young teens in the arcade eyed them oddly, as if to say 'you're too tall to be here' and to be fair Richie was a 6ft5 giant. Eddie trailed a step behind him; the kids had already lost interest in the pair and were returning to their games. They managed to make it to the back door without being swarmed by 12 year olds, Richie pushed on the door with the full force of his hand.

"Sorry, we'll erm... we'll go." A young couple broke apart at the sound of the opening door. Their kiss-swollen lips were clear to see and they walked back inside looking guilty.

Eddie and Richie stepped completely out into the cold as Richie located his heat-bearing pipe. "Is that why you know this spot so well?" Eddie looked to the closing door as he jokingly asked the question, praying the answer was no.

"One of me and your mom's favourites actually." Richie remarked with a satisfied smile before gesturing for Eddie to join him by the pipe. "You can quit looking scared, its gonna be fine." 

"If I die, I'm blaming you." Eddie's words held no real bite as he was fighting back a smile.

Richie looked at him, a confused and amused smirk sitting on his lips. "This was your idea dipshit." He held out one of the cigarettes and Eddie took it nearly immediately, a clear signal he wanted to go through with his. Richie brought his cigarette to his lips and lit it with practised ease before lighting Eddie's aswell. 

Eddie held the lit cigarette infront of his face in examination, he didn't know if he trusted it or not. He slowly lifted it to his mouth but didn't close his lips around it just yet. The end was already letting off whisps of smoke but he couldn't bring himself to start. He stared at the orange and white cancer stick with more focus than he'd put into any of his studying, which wasnt saying much but you get the point.

Smoke was already billowing around Richie's face and he blew out another load as Eddie glanced over at him in concern, "You better not go getting addicted to these things again cos of me." Eddie's face looked jokey but he was serious, if Richie started smoking again because of him he'd never forgive himself. 

Richie smiled along with Eddie but he saw the realism in his eyes and replied, "They're not as good as I remember anyway." Eddie got visibly calmer as he spoke and Richie thought it was a good time to make more progress. "You can put it in your mouth, y'know?" 

He slumped his shoulders in response, clearly annoyed at himself."I dont know why this stupid stick bastard bothers me so much." Eddie's rapid-fire voice was even quicker than usual and his free hand gestured wildly at the burning cigarette he had yet to smoke. He let his head hit the wall behind him and let out a visible hot breath. "You know what, fuck it!" 

He instantly put the cigarette in his mouth. Hd inhaled slowly, letting the odd tobacco flavour -which he had feared for years- wash through his mouth. After what Eddie considered a sufficient amount of time, he removed the cigarette from his lips and looked at it confused, "Its not so bad." The smile on his face would've seemed innocent to an onlooker but it showed his joy in rebellion, his joy in the knowledge that he can let his fear wash away. 

Richie smiled back at him, with pride and with pleasure. "You gonna take another hit?" 

Eddie's eyes flitted between Richie and the cigarette, some sort of decision clearly being made in his brain. "I think one was enough," he said before opting to stub the cigarette on the wall beside him. Dropping the remnants on the floor, he was really starting to feel the cold. Eddie's fingertips had started going red and his nose prickled with every intake of breath. He looked over at Richie- who was still smoking his cigarette. "You nearly done with that, its freezing out here." 

Another cigarette was stubbed against the wall and dropped on the floor as Richie could only laugh in response, his hot pipe idea not going entirely to plan. "We can go back to mine." He was already pushing the door as he spoke, closely followed by his freezing friend -who was desperately trying to avoid coming into contact with the door because of the overly affectionate couple who passed through it earlier. 

They were back inside and walking through the crowded arcade when the restroom sign caught Eddie's eye, "Hey Rich, do you know what the bathrooms like in here?" He had to raise his voice over the excited kids but Richie still heard him fine. 

"Its a bit grubby but most of the 9 year olds dont wank off in there." A kid turned their head at Richie's statement, eyes wide with surprise. Richie couldn't help but tease their amazement, "What kid, you think the 9 year olds are wanking off to residual images of pacman?" The kid's only response was to turn back around and walk off in shock. Needless to say, this act left both Richie and Eddie in stitches.

After recovering, Eddie slipped off to the bathroom. Another thing was about to be ticked off his list and hopefully it would be easier to complete than the last. He tried to avoid touching anything unnecessary and just prayed that a tribe of people didn't join him.

His prayers had seemed to have been answered as he exited the cubicle and tried to wash his hands as quickly -and efficiently- as possible. "Eds what is taking you so long?" Ok so maybe his prayers hadn't been answered. 

Richie had burst through the bathroom door just as Eddie was drying his hands, "Why you in such a rush, got something special planned?" They were walking out of the foul-smelling bathroom and once again making their way through the crowd of teens.

"Special? I've got the handcuffs and ropes waiting." Richie smiled a shit-eating grin and reveled in the looks he received from the less-than-innocent ones around them.

Eddie stifled a laugh before they broke out into the cold once again. "Fuck you." His face attempted to replicate Richie's smile but he was already thinking of a rebuttal.

"Someones eager." Richie tried hard not to laugh at his own joke, resulting in a pained but appealing smile sitting oddly on his lips. 

Eddie could only scoff in annoyance but mostly just defeat as he knew there was only one way to end this now, "Beep beep Richie."

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	5. 2: Get high  15: Stay out without telling my mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is stepping it up a notch. He's getting more adventurous and more reckless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have got a bit carried away with this one but I really enjoyed writing some soft Eddie. Also 600 hits is insane like even one person reading anything I write had me smiling like a toddler. Thank you for reading this mess my brain has created and thank you for the lovely comments.

It had been more than 2 months since Eddie went smoking with Richie. The christmas holidays had been ans gone and February was just starting. The winter chill was just starting to wear off but Eddie was still shivering as he walked to school, although that could be attributed to the fact that he'd left his coat outside his house to annoy his mother. 

Richie said he'd walk with Eddie today but he wasnt outside like most days he said they should walk together, so Eddie went to knock the door.

It was opened by the wrong Tozier, "Hi sweetie, you here for Richie?" Mrs Tozier's voice was soft and kind as always and it made Eddie smile his sweetest smile.

"Yeah, he's usually outside by now." Eddie continued to flash his best impress-the-parent look and peek around Richie's mother to try and get a glimpse at his friend. 

"He's in his room if you want to go up sweetheart." She also looked behind herself, clearly having seen Eddie's very secretive glances.

Eddie thanked her as he went past and clambered up the stairs, trying to make them creak as little as possible. He pushed Richie's door open without knocking, which in hindsight, was a mistake. 

Richie had his boxers half way up his thighs and was pretty much facing the door. "Shit Eddie!" 

Eddie instinctively closed the door so he couldn't see into the room but left a small gap to talk through. "Sorry. I'll, I'll wait out here." This was the third time he'd walked in on Richie, he really should've learned to knock.

Richie was quickly pulling on the rest of his clothes: jeans, a tshirt and a red hoodie. "You can come in now." 

Eddie slowly pushed the door open, his cheeks still red with embarrassment. He looked at Richie, now fully clothed, and tried to focus on that- not the mental images of his dick.

"You know one of these days I'm gonna walk in on you changing and see how you like it." Richie was clearly not very happy but Eddie couldn't help but laugh.

"Cause my mom would really let you in the house." His smile grew as Richie started to see the funny side of this all too familiar situation.

"Just learn to fucking knock." Richie was already starting to walk out of the room, a chirpy yet sly grin on his face.

Eddie wasnt following him just yet, "Hey could I borrow a jacket?"

Richie turned around and looked at him with an expression that said 'really'.

This look made Eddie feel small in the best way possible, "Its colder than I thought." He smiled as he pleaded with his eyes, a cheeky look spreading across his face that Richie couldn't say no to. 

After getting a quick 'sure' from Richie, Eddie rushed over to the wardrobe. He raked through Richie's hoodies and jackets for a couple moments before looking confused. "Wheres the fluffy blue one?" 

"In the wash." Richie replied.

"You actually wash your clothes?" Eddie smiled as he joked but he was sad his favourite hoodie wasnt up for grabs. He settled for a light yellow one instead and pulled it on haphazardly as he followed Richie out of the house.

The pair were finally outside, Richie walking a half step in front despite being the one who was late. Eddie liked it that way, with Richie not looking at him as he fiddled with the long sleeves of Richie's too-big hoodie. Most of the times Eddie wore Richie's clothes, he would meticulously roll the sleeves but sometimes he would just let them be floppy and watch how they dwarfed his arms. 

Richie tossed his head over his shoulder, feeling that the half step between the pair had widened. The image he saw was one of Eddie mindlessly dawdling along the street, swinging his sleeves infront of himself. He looked so small; he'd just so happened to pick a jacket that was too big for Richie let alone his much smaller friend. Eddie looked like he was in a world of his own, focussing so hard on the yellow cuffs that hung at least an inch past his fingers. "You having fun there?" Richie smiled as he had resparked his slow-walking friend's attention. 

Eddie looked up with wide, innocent eyes as if he'd just been caught doing something he shouldn't. His face was so expressive Richie thought it was almost comical.

Almost comical.

Because in that moment Eddie didn't look funny, heck cute didn't even cut it. In that moment Richie thought Eddie looked downright gorgeous and it was all he could do not to tell him. Naturally, he resorted to an insult based command. "I know you have tiny ass legs but could you hurry the fuck up." 

Eddie complied with a roll of his eyes and a stop to his hand puppet idea which had popped in his head, although he did continue swinging the soft material at his fingers. 

The walk continued at a quicker pace and relative bickering had resumed. Suddenly Eddie remembered the thing he had been planning on asking Richie about for weeks, after finally having planned a good way to ask. Guess he was distracted by Richie's very large hoodie. 

He stumbled slightly before he spoke but didn't let it deter him, "You know we went smoking before, I might need your help again."

Richie's step faultered in a giddy way as he turned his head ro Eddie and smiled in surprise, "Finally. It's been months; I though you'd given up." 

"Nice to know you had some faith in me." Eddie's words could have been interpreted in a mean way but he was grinning as he spoke and already planning the next words out of his mouth, "Well, I'm kinda planning on getting high." 

Instantly Richie's face rose: his mouth hung open in shock and his eyebrows sat half way up his forehead. "Drugs?" He smiled slightly, still baffled by Eddie's confession, "I didn't think you had it in you."

In the split second Eddie didn't answer, Richie's face turned from wonderment to confusion. "Wait a minute, why did you come to me?"

Eddie instinctively went on the defensive, "You're the only one who knows about the list asshole."

They both laughted at Richie's momentary lapse of common sense, before Richie realised that he could help. "Actually, I've had an idea."

"Sounds dangerous."

Richie glared at him before continuing, "I'm having this erm party thing on the 14th with some of my theatre friends and theres this one kid who always brings something. You could come if you want."

The pair were both silent as Eddie mulled over this invitation. He was being invited to a 'party thing' by his best friend, that was a good thing, but it was his best friend's party and he hadn't already been invited. Not only that, his best friend had admitted to having other friends- theatre friends. Eddie knew Richie took drama but he didn't know he'd made actual friends with people in his class, let alone have parties with them. Wouldnt it be weird? All of them being theatre friends and Eddie just being there on the sidelines, high as a kite if he wanted to tick anything else off his list. Eddie's train of thought was cut off by Richie himself.

"We'll probably just end up re-enacting old scenes from performances. Our parties are usually pretty shit."

Eddie sighed at this revelation, content with the fact that Richie wasnt having raving parties without him. "Sure I'll come." 

It was the 14th which, if you hadn't noticed, was Valentines day. Eddie hadn't really registered this at first, but as the day was getting closer it dawned on him that there was going to be a group of teenagers alone in a house on valentines day. What if it was some weird orgy, a gang bang? What if he had somehow been talked into having sex with a bunch of stranger? No of course not, it was just a party at Richie's house. No gang bangs, no sex.

He'd just talked himself out of this when Richie opened his front door, smiling with what looked like relief. "Hey Eds, finally got here."

Finally? Eddie wasnt late. What was Richie talking about?

"These people are driving me insane." Richie whispered before leading Eddie into a room full of people Eddie had only seen on school play posters and only heard about through Richie.

There were 6 of them. 6 strangers. 6 people Eddie had never spoken to before in his life. 

It was only after 10 minutes of talking to a tall, blonde girl, who wouldnt stop rambling about the fact Richie hadn't told her Eddie was coming, that he realised he was going to hate tonight. That girl was Amy. She was wearing the tightest dress Eddie had ever seen and was eating pretzels like there was o tomorrow. She was only the start of Eddie's worries.

Next Eddie was roped into a conversation with two freshman boys. One was not much taller than Eddie, sporting glasses that looked like they belonged to a 70 year old. The other was called Brucie and had a face like a ken doll. Eddie wanted to punch the both of them into next week because they wouldnt shut up about the project they were doing. The same project Richie had done this time last year that Eddie already knew inside out.

After escaping their clutches he talked to Nicole, who was much nicer than the rest of them. She was quite funny and had a pretty face but oh god, would she quit with the fakest smile Eddie had ever seen- and Eddie lived with his mother.

An hour in, he finally bumped into Richie. The relief shone on his face at finally having a moment away from the skitzos, "How do you stand that lot?" 

Richie breathed out heartily, an understanding look filling his face. He poured himself and Eddie an orange juice each -how exotic- and held up his glass. "Cheers?"

Eddie giggled along with his odd encounter and lifted his glass, "Cheers."

They both took a sip, trying not to spill their drinks through laughter. The orange juice had a familiar wash compared to the mind-numbing people Eddie had been talking to all night. Richie was still infront of Eddie, both of them smiling ridiculously wide for two people drinking orange juice in a kitchen and ignoring everyone else there. 

"Can I just smoke some weed and get out of here? Your friends are so boring its physically painful." Eddie let out a frustrated huff as he slammed his half empty glass on the counter. 

Richie laughed slightly at the sight of Eddie getting genuinely frustrated, he smiled as Eddie laughed slightly along with him. "I'm pretty sure Don's making up a blunt right now, if you want to try?" His voice held an inquiring tone, a voice that was encouraging but not pressuring. 

Instantly Eddie nodded enthusiastically, all he had to do was smoke the blunt and then he could get out of here. As he and Richie started walking to meet Eddie's saviour -Don the dealer as he had subconsciously named him- Eddie felt the familiar rush of worry he had been holding off surprisingly well. "Richie, have you ever done this before?" 

Richie was walking next to him, the same encouraging but not pressuring look all over his face. "A couple times. It's not as scary as you think. You took on a killer clown, I'm sure you can handle some cannabis." His voice was quiet throughout the sentiment, a rare occurence obviously, but it dropped even quieter on the last sentence. It was a reminder that Eddie was brave because sometimes he really needed that reminder.

It was cold outside, colder than it had been the last few days. Don was already leaning against the outside wall of the house as Richie and Eddie stepped out into the unfamiliar cold air. There was an easily recognisable smell coming from the end of the blunt, that already sat between Don's lips. As he saw the pair edging closer to him, he removed it from his mouth. "You dont mind sharing do you?" He giggled as he spoke, a chirpy gesture to show it was a rhetorical question. Maybe Richie had one friend who wasnt so bad.

Don had light brown hair and reminded Eddie of how Ben had looked before moving. Sure Ben would never be in a position where he had a stick of cannabis between his lips but, besides that, scarily similar.

The trio were now all leaning against the wall, seeming too alike the time Eddie went smoking with Richie. The blunt was passed to Richie; the second it passed his lips he seemed to calm. The look he shot Don in response was one Eddie couldnt help but notice. The look was adorable, suited Richie's face perfectly if you were asking Eddie. His eyes were soft with happiness and he wore a grin which was only slightly less dopey than his normal one. Eddie envied Don for getting to receive that look, he wished Richie would look at him like that just once. Why? Eddie didn't have a clue.

Before Eddie could even delve into the rabbit-hole of reasons, Richie was offering him the blunt. He could only stare at it in anticipation. It was held between Richie's fingers so perfectly, so why should Eddie ruin that image?

"Its not gonna bite y'know?" 

Richie nudged Eddie with his elbow, a childish gesture which drew him back to reality. The blunt still stared at him and his head still swam with jealousy he didn't understand. So he took it. 

The blunt was in his mouth faster than he'd intended, the unwelcoming nature of the cannabis going straight into his body. He coughed as soon as he tried to inhale, coughed so much more than he thought he would. 

The faces of both the other boys showed worry in bucket loads and Eddie's jealousy turned to guilt as he realised he'd stripped the beautiful look off of Richie's face. His coughing died down as he held the culprit at an arms length, trying to keep the smell of weed as far away from him as possible. 

Richie gripped his shoulder as Eddie regained a regular breathing pattern. His fingers, which had been perfectly holding the blunt just 2 minutes earlier, held just a little too tight to be comfortable. Eddie didn't care, didn't want to tell him, didn't want to ruin anything else. 

Don also looked worried but didn't intervene, just wore his confused face hoping he'd get the blunt back in one piece.

Determined to not let himself down, Eddie lifted it back to his lips- just ghosting the end in his mouth in a testing way. Trial and error being his preferred method of attack.

"Eds, you dont have to do this." Richie's deathgrip on his shoulder was ever present, possibly the only thing rooting Eddie to reality. If he was lucky Richie's voice was quiet enough for Don not to have heard his stupid nickname. 

His eyes flicked up to Richie, pupils blown wide in the darkness, and he pulled the weed away from his lips to reply. "I want to do this Richie." None of them spoke for a moment. Eddie's head ran wild; he was growing more angry at himself for agreeing to come. "Its fucking freezing, I hate your friends, this part sucks, you're going to break my shoulder in a second and I want to do this." Once finishing his little rant, Eddie put the blunt back in his mouth- properly this time. He didn't inhale just yet, having learnt from his mistakes. 

Richie peeled his numb fingers off Eddie's shoulder and rubbed down his arm awkwardly. He agreed with all of Eddie's statements and didn't even want to apologise to Don about the hatred comment. Granted, Don was one of the more bearable people but Richie didn't care about him enough to say he didn't hate him just as much as the rest of them. They were all just juped up nativity stars trying to be cool and Richie couldnt stand any of them, no matter how much weed they'd supplied him. 

As if summoned by Richie's thoughts, Amy stepped outside. Eddie was just starting to get the hang of the blunt when she near enough snatched it out of his mouth and took such a deep inhale he was surprised she could still breathe. Eddie's entire body screamed out 'why the fuck am I here?'

Amy removed the blunt from her mouth and breathed out a big plume of smoke. She was almost sighing on it, as if releasing her problems into the air. "I really needed that," she let out between breaths. "Nicole and Wendy are driving me batty with their project talk." 

Eddie and Richie shared a look of complete disinterest, as if she was the most boring person on the planet (which to be fair, she was very close to). 

Don seemed to completely miss her draining output and decided to actually engage with her. "Pass the blunt, these two have been hogging it." 

This was the last nail in the coffin, whether it was the drugs talking or if Eddie was just genuinely done with everyone's shit, he was out of there. He grabbed Richie's hand with more force than expected and dragged him back inside. Later he'd blame it on the chilly night air but in that moment he just really wanted to get away from Richie's stupid fucking friends. He closed the back door, knowing full well it locked as soon as it was shut properly. Richie looked at him in amused shock and smiled as Eddie continued to drag him through the room.

They found rest on Richie's sofa: Eddie lying flat on his back and taking up much more room than his small body was worth while Richie perched next to his head. His other friends weren't in the same room; they were probably refilling drinks in the kitchen or rehearsing in the hallway. This meant Richie and Eddie had no company except each other. 

The effects of the weed were clearly starting to kick in, Eddie's entire both felt and looked completely floppy- something Richie would no doubt tease him about later. 

Richie was also feeling the weed in his system, his movements becoming more jittery and skittish. He was planning out his movements less and instinctively placed his hand next to himself (aka on Eddie's face). 

Eddie didn't say anything, didn't even move away in protest, just let out a grunt of discontentment. A few moments after his disapproving noise and Richie hadn't moved so Eddie took matters into his own hands. Literally. He lifted his heavy arms and gripped Richie's wrist with shaking fingers, pushing the much larger hand off his face. "Stop being a dick." 

They both giggled and let their smiles wash over their hazy faces. Richie rose shakily off his small spot on the sofa and leant down by Eddie's face to ask, "I'm getting drinks, you want something?"

Eddie replied while closing his eyes, "Anything except your shitty orange juice."

He attempted to sit upright and did quite well, sure he was sitting sideways but he was sitting. He could hear Richie's voice muffled by the distance between them- maybe his drink of not shitty orange juice would have to wait until Richie's stupid friend was finished talking to him. It felt like the sofa was eating him, Eddie's head sank further into the back and his toes were nestled into the small gap between the arm and the rest of the seat.

Eddie's consumption was rudely interrupted by the one person he hadn't had the burden of talking to. Wendy sat on the arm rest by Eddie's feet, looking at him like he was meant to say something. Her long black hair was held up in a colourful scrunchie, which she had even gone through the trouble to match to her jeans- both being a ghastly shade of green. Having clearly got bored of waiting for Eddie to speak, she decided to say something. "This your first time doing drugs then? You look dead to the world." She smiled as if she was talking to a friend despite just practically insulting him. 

Eddie just wanted her to leave him alone but wasnt rude enough to completely ignore her existence. "I'm fine, I'm just tired." As if to prove his point, he kept his eyes closed and snuggled deeper into the sofa. 

Wendy was still smiling, despite her small blue eyes trying to stare bullets at Eddie. She sank down the arm rest and placed herself right next to his feet. Her sweaty hand tried to rub comforting circles into Eddie's leg as she continued to come closer to him. Her voice was quiet, would've been nicer if it was a mile away. "You're gonna be ok, it'll pass."

Now she was just talking to him like he was a child. He knew the drugs would pass, he wasnt an idiot. He didn't have the energy to snap or even to reply in a civilised manner. He just tried to move closer to the wall of the sofa and further away from Wendy. 

Wendy herself didn't seem to get this message as she continued to try and close the gap Eddie was creating. Her hand ran further up Eddie's leg, gripping his thigh hard. Her other hand was on his cheek; she turned his face out of the sofa. Her finger held his face in place, not letting him cower away from her like he wanted to. She was staring straight into his eyes now, trying to convey some emotion to him. All Eddie was getting out of it was 'you dont deserve personal space'. As if she could read his mind, Wendy's hands continued moving: her hand on his leg ghosting over the edge of his boxers through his jeans, while the hand on his face gripped the back of his neck to pull him forward. 

In a flash, Eddie's body rose into life. All of him pulled away from the girl infront of him and he stood up to create distance between them. He felt his insides roar into life and he finally found the energy to shout. "Leave me the fuck alone." He fled the room almost instantly after speaking, heading for the stairs. He took them two at a time until he was out of sight from the rest of the house. As soon as he knew no one could see him, his limbs gave out again and the floor of Richie's landing became his friend. 

Wendy still sat on the sofa, feeling dumbfounded and dejected. She stared down the dip in the sofa where Eddie had been and wished she'd taken some weed with Amy. The whole room was empty par herself until...

"What the fuck did you do to him?" It was Richie's voice, barreling into the room like a bull. 

Wendy stood up as soon as she heard his voice, ready to defend herself. She was squaring up to him; she didn't want to be humiliated. "I didn't do anything. He's just a drama queen virgin thats all." 

Richie stared fire down at her, hearing her words and having no other instinct other than to snap. "He's high! Party's over." He stepped back and started to walk away before turning back to her, "His dick isnt up for grabs."

Everyone started making their way towards the door, grumbling about it still being so early. It was only once reaching the front door that the ken doll (Brucie) really voiced his objections, "Its a valentines party dude, everyone's dicks up for grabs."

Richie was still raw from everyone being complete assholes, "Well mine isnt and neither is his." Everyone was outside except himself and the ken doll but Richie's need for them to shoo was growing. With a gentle nudge to the chest, he'd pushed Brucie out of his house. "Now fuck off!" He yelled before slamming the door in their faces. 

Everyone was out of the house, that meant step one was complete. But step two was make Eddie ok- obviously the more difficult and more important step. Richie was running up the stairs as soon as he closed the door on them. He, like Eddie had earlier in the night, took the stairs two at a time. However, unlike Eddie, he didn't merely collapse at the top of the stairs; he kept walking to fetch something soft. 

With a blanket and a pillow in hand, he rushed back to where Eddie lay at the top of the stairs. Eddie wasnt unconscious, he knew that much, he was simply too tired to move. Richie had the soft blanket draped over Eddie's body and was nudging him up so he could place the pillow under his head.

"Eds, you alright?" He was whispering too quietly for Eddie's drug-induced brain to hear. This lapse in response had Richie worrying all over again, "Eds?" He was shaking him gently, making him open his eyes to know he was ok.

Eddie reached a hand up to Richie's sleeve of the hand that was still shaking him, "I'm tired, stop moving me." His voice was breathy and stripped, like he'd just woken up. It both calmed Richie and sparked a new worry in him. 

Here Eddie was, lying on Richie's landing, high and acting like a puppy. He looked smaller somehow while laying there, as if part of him had sunk into the sofa and been let there. His small fingers were gripping the edge of the newfound blanket and his face snuggled into the pillow under his head. He looked comfortable, sort of adorable (but Richie would deal with that revelation later). Eddie couldnt stay there and both Richie and himself knew this, sadly. 

"Eds come on, you cant stay there." Richie was jokingly tugging on his arms and trying to convince Eddie to get off the floor.

Eddie begrudgingly sat up, still clutching the blanket, and opened his eyes hastily. "Fine, I'll go. Do you know where I left my shoes?" He was trying to stand up but having as much luck as a newborn deer and sank back to the floor with a frustrated huff. "Help me up." 

Richie obliged, grabbing Eddie by his hands and dragging him up dramatically. He flung the blanket around his shoulders like a cape and pulled him across the landing towards his room. 

"Seriously Richie, where did I leave my shoes?" Eddie was slowly regaining the energy to function like a normal human and was starting to return to his normal stressful self. 

"We can find your shoes tomorrow, just call your mom and say you're at Bill's or something." They were both in Richie's room now, the lamp had been turned on and Richie was already fishing in drawers for more comfortable clothes. 

Eddie had heard what Richie had said and knew what he was proposing and Eddie saw an opportunity nestled in his words. "No I'll just-" 

Richie had clearly not picked up on this opportunity, "Eddie there is no way you're going home like this. At best, your mom will kill you; at worst, you'll get fucking texas chainsaw massacred out there." 

"I'm staying Rich." Both of them visibly calmed, especially Richie. The nervousness was starting to seep back into Eddie though, "I'm just not calling my mom. Its erm list stuff." If Eddie didn't tell his mom he was at Richie's then he'd be staying out without telling his mom. Disappointment 15: check.

Richie returned to his comfortable clothes finding and Eddie sat on Richie's bed, only still worrying about his shoes a little bit. He could feel the fluffy material about his shoulders and the soft duvet underneath him, it all made him want to fall asleep instantly. Why was Richie still fiddling in drawers and why was the lamp still on? "Richie, stop being loud. I just wanna sleep." 

Finally pulling out some clothes that he deemed fit for purpose, Richie quickly threw them at Eddie. "You're going to hate yourself if you sleep in those jeans. These'll probably fit."

"When did you become the responsible one?" Eddie was pulling the sweatpants from off his face and examining the cotton top which would no doubt be massive for him. He just looked at the two items of clothing, trying to convince himself to unwrap the blanket from around his shoulders. 

Richie was clutching his own clothes and heading for the door, "I'm going to the bathroom. Get changed while I'm gone." He started leaving when an excellent idea popped into his head. He leaned back through the half-open door and looked at Eddie with a cheeky smile. "This is the perfect set up to repay your little no knocking habit." He had closed the door behind himself before Eddie could even process what he'd said. 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a very gay playlist on spotify called Now that's what I call failed conversion therapy. It's mostly for wlw but there are songs by lots of queer artists, songs which are notorious in the community and some songs which remind me of reddie. Feel free to give a listen.


	6. 19: Ride on someone's motorcycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie learns that other people don't need a list to disappoint him. 
> 
> Tw homophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a poor excuse for a chapter. Writers block is a bitvh. Online school is also a bitch. But there is no way I'm giving up on this fic, it's like my little baby.
> 
> Side note, I know nothing about motorbikes or helmets so bare with that.

It was the beginning of April and Derry was finally starting to become a bearable temperature. Eddie was wearing polos again, without having to layer other people's -Richie's- hoodies over the top. Now Eddie wouldn't say he didn't enjoy this new warm weather but the lack of borrowing clothes was definitely one of its downfalls. This warmth did mean his friends were sitting outside again, which was ten times better than the crowded cafeteria they'd been forced to reside in the last few months. 

It was a Wednesday lunchtime and Eddie already wanted this week to end. He'd had two different science tests already and wasn't looking forward to the maths homework which was looming over his head like a dark shadow. But it was lunchtime so he could put lessons out of his mind and pretend he was 100 percent A okay. Which he was not. He was terrified for reasons that had nothing to do with school. Eddie had arranged something he was really starting to regret. 

Eddie did American history and he was awful at it, but he had made a friend in his class. They worked on projects together and had started to become more than just 'school friends'. The losers club didn't know about this friend, never even met them. Thing was this friend just happened to own a motorcycle. They also happened to be really hot and Eddie may or may not have put 'ride a motorcycle' on his list just so he could hold onto this friend's waist. The problem was this friend also kinda happened to be a guy, which scared the shit out of Eddie. Eddie didn't know how to not like him though. He was tall, with curly auburn hair which looked so beautifully messy when he was taking his bike helmet off. He had pretty blue eyes which were so sparkly like all the fucking time. 

This friend's name was Charlie.

Eddie had planned that today he would riding on the back of Charlie's motorcycle. 

In order to get to this, Eddie had concocted a story of how he wanted to get a bike but his mom wouldn't let him so he really just wanted to try- which was a lot closer to the truth than Eddie originally realised. After clearing up a few misunderstandings about Eddie actually driving the bike, Charlie had agreed quite happily. 

So this Wednesday lunchtime Eddie wouldn't be eating and joking with his friends, instead he would be riding around on a motorbike with a boy that made his heart flutter. What could go wrong, right?

He'd made up some tale about history tutoring yesterday to tell his friends he wouldn't be there- he'd really got into the habit of lying lately. The group had believed the story well enough except Stan who -observant as ever- looked sceptical, knowing how little Eddie cared for history. Luckily Stan didn't raise any inquiries because Eddie really hadn't planned out a good cover story for his escapades. Eddie would probably tell Richie the truth later. Well most of the truth, he'd skip the whole 'I have a massive crush on Charlie' part. 

"Hey Eddie," came the slightly questioning voice of Charlie as he approached where Eddie stood, leaning uncomfortably against the wall. Eddie acknowledged him with a soft smile and a sweet wave before Charlie joined in his awkward wall leaning. 

"So I was thinking. We drive around a bit, get some lunch and then get back to school 10 minutes before next lesson." Eddie confirmed the plan which they had been plotting in their history lessons rather than actually working. 

Charlie tugged playfully on the shoulder of Eddie's shirt, something they'd started doing in class to get each other's attention, now it was to get Eddie to follow him through the school. First stop was Charlie's locker to retrieve bike helmets (Eddie was riding a motorcycle but he wasn't completely abandoning safety). Next stop was the back of the school, where the students who could drive parked their cars and bikes without fear of angry civilians. There were far fewer students here, a group smoking and a couple doing slightly more than kissing making up the people of the school who didn't want to be seen. Eddie and Charlie now joined their ranks.

Eddie gawked over the school's vagrants but another swift tug to his shirt had him following in Charlie's footsteps once again. The motorcycle was in sight now, a big black beauty that left Eddie feeling like he may have pushed his luck on this one. He knew it was fast; he'd seen Charlie ride it every morning for months. Maybe Eddie hadn't really registered the fact that he'd actually be on the bike and just focused on being near Charlie. How had a boy managed to make Eddie forget that danger existed? A boy? He was in way over his head here. 

Charlie pulled him the last couple steps until they both stood right infront of the bike. Eddie continued to marvel over the bike, both in admiration and fear. He was smiling wide, probably looked like an excited puppy who'd just been given a new chew toy. But in that moment Charlie was the owner of Eddie the puppy and he woudn't get his new toy until Charlie said so. He put his own helmet on before handing Eddie one he'd brought to school just for the occasion. Eddie's instant reaction to being given the helmet was to put it on his head but he quickly realised the helmet wasn't exactly Eddie-sized and looked up wide eyed at Charlie to somehow fix this. 

Charlie lifted his visor and smiled down at Eddie in amusement- a look Eddie had come to recognise when he guessed the dates of key events and got them completely wrong. He flicked up the visor on Eddie's helmet aswell and spoke through a laugh, "D'you want some help with that?" 

The face Charlie got in reply was 50% 'no I can do this myself', 40% 'please I dont know what I'm doing' and 10% 'get me out of this situation I think I might actually scream'. Charlie had grown familiar with Eddie's stubbornness but his need for help was clear so Charlie pitied him. He made a few adjustments to the helmet, getting it to a position which would counteract the extra room. Standing back to examine his handiwork, Charlie let out one singular word in response. "Perfect."

Now Eddie knew Charlie was referring to the helmet but he was basically gazing down at Eddie, smiling ridiculously sweetly and saying the word 'perfect' -sue Eddie if his little heart jumped for joy at the situation. 

Charlie lifted his leg over the bike with ease and waited for Eddie to mirror his actions. But the bike -much like the helmet- was not Eddie-sized, so he had to tap into some advanced jumping skills until he was sitting behind Charlie on the bike. 

After Eddie's nyon acrobatic feat, Charlie was shouting, "Ready?" and Eddie was swiftly responding with a loud, "Yes!" Soon they were riding along the empty streets of Derry.

The initial shock of speed left Eddie screaming, the joy evident in his voice despite the loud shrieking. It was like the drop on a rollercoaster but more exhilarating and more dangerous. There were no safety bars on the bike, just Charlie to grip onto for dear life. And Eddie did grip on. Probably a lot tighter than necessary but he could blame it on the situation easily enough. He felt the denim of Charlie's jacket under his fingers and squeezed it in excitement. Everything was happening so fast and Eddie was loving every second. 

Charlie laughed as he sped the bike up more and zoomed again, causing Eddie to shriek and giggle involuntarily. The two shared in excitement as they sped up and slowed down randomly for the next twenty minutes. Eddie became increasingly relaxed as it went on despite the rushing air and bumpy Derry roads. It was oddly freeing, as if you could fall at any second but fate and physics were keeping you from the ground. Charlie probably hadn't analysed his bike this much, was just a speed junkie, but Eddie reveled in his newfound outlet. 

Eddie's reveling had to be put on hold as Charlie brought the bike to a stop by the side of the road, just outside Derry. They both hopped off the bike -Eddie once again having to use some acrobatic skill- and made their way over to a small cafe that was used mostly by people on long car journeys. 

It was a small cafe, not sweet or even appealing, but it would feed their hunger easy enough. They walked side by side, Charlie's eyes scanning the room oddly with a look that seemed almost anxious. Eddie would've enquired if Charlie hadn't have spoken first, "Where d'you wanna sit?" His natural Texan accent became thicker as he spoke and Eddie cursed his heart for jumping at the sound of it. Through his infatuation, he pulled the two of them over to a table at the far side of the cafe and smiled brightly as they waited for a waitress. 

They ordered a milkshake each, Eddie getting strawberry and Charlie getting chocolate; some fries to share; a burger for Charlie and a hot dog for Eddie. The food arrived and the waitress placed it down with a smile, looking at each of them in turn before walking away looking pleased with herself. Eddie was confused by her presence while Charlie looked visibly awkward about it. 

"I wasnt sure you'd still want to come." Eddie's confusion increased tenfold at Charlie's words. His brow furrowing deeply and his lips pressed together as if to say 'go on'. 

"- y'know after the rumours." 

Eddie's confusion dropped off his face in a second and was replaced by a comforting and reassuring smile. His lips quirked up at the corners and he spoke with an attempt to be friendly, "Rumours are bullshit. I dont care what people are saying about you." 

It seemed the reassuring smile hadn't worked as Charlie squirmed awkwardly on his seat. His eyes were anywhere but Eddie as he looked like he was trying to remove himself from existence. Despite this, he whispered through a grimace, "The rumours are about you, Eddie." 

Fuck.

What the hell had people been saying about him now? 

Eddie wasn't a stranger to rumours, by any means, but the worst of them had died out before sophomore year. The names 'girly' , 'wheezy' and 'fairy' had become constants in his life since he was in fifth grade so Eddie wasn't feeling too positive about whatever rumour was being spread about him now. 

"What is it? What are the assholes at school saying about me this time?" His anger was seething; a stupid rumour had turned the bubbly boy infront of him into a nervous stranger. And it had ruined what would've been a perfectly fine day.

Charlie's reluctance to answer was written all over his face, his eyes were glued to the salt n pepper shakers and his fingers fiddled with a napkin. Eddie cleared his throat once just to pull his attention back to the question. Charlie glanced up, his blue eyes wide with embarrassment and guilt. His voice was small as he let out the truth, "People are saying you've been trying to give guys blow jobs in the bathroom on the maths corridor." As soon as he finished his eyes were gone, this time finding interest in a picture on the wall. His hands continued to move adsentmindedly over the napkins as he awaited Eddie's inevitable response. 

"Fucking assholes," which was roughly what Charlie had been expecting. "Who said that? Who put their big brain to work and came up with that utter bullshit?" Eddie wasn't exactly being loud but it was a small cafe and a waiter was eyeing them oddly at the profanities leaving Eddie's mouth. "Even if I was into guys I wouldn't be sucking them off in a fucking bathroom. I mean, that floor is fucking disgusting and I wouldn't go anywhere near it." He paused for breath slightly before continuing his merciless rambling, "If you're going to spread a rumour at least make it realistic. No one believes that fucking bullshit." After a beat of silence between the two of them Eddie started to doubt himself. "Right?" His voice had shrunk from his unabashed ranting and now only leaked pure worry.

Despite the obvious question, Charlie didn't reply. He kept his mouth shut, his eyes fixed to the other side of the room and himself as far away from Eddie as possible. Yet another beat of silence passed between him before Eddie had to press for answers, "You dont really believe that shit?" 

Instantly Charlie shrugged, as if he hadn't considered it to be true or not, as if he was indifferent. It made Eddie want to scream. Charlie decided to look back up at Eddie as he spoke, like that would somehow make it better, "I didn't know who to trust I guess." 

He didn't know who to trust? He didn't know who to trust!? I dont know, maybe trust Eddie on the fact that he wasn't sucking guys off in the bathroom of the maths corridor. Eddie felt like his blood was boiling beneath his skin, if this idiot thought for one second the rumours were true he obviously didn't know Eddie at all. And maybe Eddie wasn't entirely proud of what he said next and the volume at which he said it but blind rage could do that to a person. "So you thought you were the next victim in my very obviously true homoerotic escapades in stall number 3. You didn't want people to see you spending time with a little fairy like me and ruin your reputation as the hot guy on the motorcycle who gets all the girls. Or maybe you just didn't want to admit that you do infact have a big fat gay crush on lil ol' me." 

Charlie stared at him blindly. He stood up promptly and pulled out some money to cover his half of the bill before mumbling awkwardly, "I'm gonna- go." He stumbled out of the cafe and left Eddie sitting alone to face the onslaught of dirty looks he received from the other people there.

He managed to catch the eye of the waitress who looked like she'd been avoiding his table ever since the argument started. "Can I get the check please?" She promptly nodded at Eddie before walking off as speedily as possible. 

Eddie finished his milkshake, payed the waitress and left the building. It was only once he was out of the salty haze of the cafe that Eddie realised he now had to get back to school. Charlie had been his ride, that was the whole point of this awful day. No matter how good shouting at Charlie had made him feel, today was still shitty. This shittiness only increased as he realised he now had a 4 mile walk back to school. 

Needless to say, it was a long walk. A long, boring walk which had undoubtedly made Eddie miss lessons. He couldn't care less, he would just hide out in the bathroom and walk home at the end of the day anyway. Hopefully avoiding contact with all other human beings in the process. It was only once Eddie was in the confines of the bathroom (coincidentally the one on the maths corridor) that he let it out.

He screamed.

He screamed as he locked himself in a stall, pounding his fist against the door and pushing his fingers against the lock roughly. He was crying too, he realised. When that started Eddie had no idea. Probably the same time as the screaming though. Once he started he couldn't stop, his cheeks were red and cold and soaked with drying tears. He was practically panting between high pitched outbursts as his forehead repeatedly collided with the door. He didn't care how loud he was being. He was mad at the world. He was mad at Charlie. 

According to Charlie everyone thought the rumour was true, which sucked (but not as much as Eddie apparently). The rumour was obviously not true but the message behind it was clear as day. Eddie Kaspbrak was gay. Maybe. He didn't know yet. But he had liked Charlie. And that was the worst of it really, Charlie and his friendship were done. Eddie didn't like Charlie at all and found it hard to see how he ever could've. Charlie was the same as every other asshole in this damn school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and constructive criticism would be really nice. I want to know what people think of my style of writing and whether or not you like it.


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